I got triggered ...

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 I got triggered & said hurtful things.

A few days ago, I had a heated argument with my father. I was triggered and blurted out hurtful words. 

The way I spoke and the words I used aren’t something I feel proud of because this is not the kind of woman I want to be. I know I could have handled it better. I realized this when I cooled down.

Sometimes I miss the father-daughter relationship we had before my mum's death. It became somewhat distant after that.

The first four years were very difficult. Small small things used to trigger me.

As I started working on myself and my healing, things have improved.

Yet, even after 7 ½ years, there are still some unspoken conversations.
And I want to heal enough that I could have it in a better manner.Working on it.

Over the past couple of months, I have been studying Family Constellation Therapy. One thing Bert Hellinger said really hit me: Bert Hellinger, the pioneer of Family Constellations, said that in a family, when a person dies, another person takes on their role to bring balance.

Unknowingly, I was doing the same—fighting battles that were not mine. These were issues between my parents, and after my mother was gone, I took them on myself.

I have to remind myself that it's not my battle. It was theirs. Still, there are times when I lose control as emotions run high. There are some triggers I am still processing, layer by layer.


Yesterday, I decided to take on a challenge for myself: a 30-day smile challenge. Whenever I get triggered, instead of saying hurtful things, I will just stretch my lips and smile. Then, I'll go back  to my safe space and process my heightened emotions.

Here’s to learning, grieving, healing, and practicing patience.

How do you handle yourself when you get triggered?

Love, 
Pratiksha



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